The One Unforgivable Thing

Forgiveness is a given, not a decision.

Rev. Roy -- tip off was his "decision" to forgive me for naivete. Yet so relieved that I would not be tossed out of MCC for the article that that dumb shit reporter wrought up.

Had to do with handicap ADA stuff, of course. Everything did. It was Michelle's personal crusade.

A noble one, to be sure, but one that got distorted...like the real Crusades, with a few centuries' worth of 20/20 hindsight...they MEANT well.

There it is that road to hell. We all pave away every day we naive and meek inheriting the world by paving the road to hell with our good intentions. What does that mean? My rhetoric caboose is running ahead of the engine.

Caboose loose moose...I enjoy words. Language. I am a writer.

I enjoy colors and forms and consistancy of vision. I am a photographer.

I live to serve. I am a Virgo. I am a nurse.

But I'm nobody's mother. That's by choice. Though I've chosen to mother adults who can damn well take care of themselves or find some other mother to smother care for them. We helpless ones.

I will lose the spirit of this, and I will fail to read it.

Of all people, Anna. You, of all people judging, pre-judging your work as worthless before you even look at it. You can't tell when you are writing it. You'd have to stop and be all self-conscious and lose the flow...

Let it go for gods's sake, let it go...

I let it go.

I am a person capable of change. Before the Tower. Before disaster shoe-horns me into another situation I have to survive, not thrive in. I have choice. I am fortunate. I am not spitting on the shoes of death...though I may bitch-slap his silly face.

O. U. Again.

And again.

Until, like Groundhogs Day, we get it R I G H T. What did he get right? Heart opened? Became real? Got the babe? Who was Sleeping Beauty in this one?

No one is coming. Godot is here.