The dream is never the same, but the theme is. I've been having this dream since my mother died, when I was 13, Thanksgiving Eve, 1975.
In the dream, there's been a mistake. She never really died. Oops. We thought she did, but she got better actually.
Actually.
The dreams are usually banal: washing dishes, cooking meals, packing for vacations we never took. I'm surprised she's alive, but accept with relief that Mommy didn't really die.
I mean, that makes more sense than what really happened.
And we get on with life. Like it is supposed to be.
The dream used to break my heart. It still does, but only for a moment. Like dangling a chocolate in front of a starving child who is allergic to chocolate so even if he does get the candy he will be sick to death from eating it. I'm not a child anymore.
When I was in my 20's, I dreamed I say in the dream "this is just a dream and Mommy is dead." I thought that would stop the dream. It did for a while, but then it came back.
I dreamed it again just yesterday. Maybe had something to do with having a wicked bad cold. This time we were setting up the house for some grand affair, like an amusement park almost. I remember my brother tossing blue paint at me as I dove for a wave. It was colorful and fun and Mommy was there. My dream self is savvy enough by now that I realized she wasn't really REALLY back from the dead, but then I woke up in the dream and she was still alive so it fooled me again.
I never wanted to wake up from that dream. That was my thought on really REALLY awakening.
Not that I consciously miss my mother. I'm 50, seven years older than she ever got to be. Honestly, when will this shit stop?
The dream will stop when you are no longer afraid to live and embrace your Mother as your self because in this reality she is alive and well as long as you are. If you really want her to be alive and happy then you must "see" her and "love" her as you do yourself.
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