In the beginning, I worried she'd die any day. She put that fear in me. I don't know how deliberate her manipulation was. I was so naive...still am. Less so, but, well...
Can you un-learn innocence? Or is it a terminal condition?
She was dying tomorrow for 20 years. And like a fool I worried daily for 20 years that she'd die tomorrow. You tend to spoil someone you think might die any day. When I finally decided that was a ridiculous way to live, that's when she decided I was bad news. I didn't realize it. I thought it would help her not to live in a funeral procession. My bad.
She said I was the reason she'd lived so long. Obviously. She died less than a year after she kicked me out. As I said to her "you'll never find anyone as soft-hearted and soft-headed as me again."
She didn't. Soft-headed, oh, yes. Traded me in for a born-again Christian. I saw that coming but by then I was the evil one who wanted her dead so who listened to me?
She must have wanted to die by then. Even she couldn't stand her own company and she had no friends.
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